Hearing God's Voice

I wrote this post about a year ago. At the time, I had wanted to start a blog as an outlet for a lot of anxiety and stress I was going through. I wrote a lot of posts, but I never actually published anything. I was reading through some of the old ones, and this post really hit me hard. I look back at the last year, and I realize that even when I didn't know it, God was working in my life. He put me where I needed to be, and he placed people into my life that I needed. Like I said, I wrote it a year ago, but I will explain the significance below!

I have had a year of growing pains. A year filled with tears, anger,  disappointments while at the same time filled with laughter, mercy, and joy. I feel like I am in that awkward stage of my life where I am struggling to find my place. To find my way. To figure out where I want to go and who I want to be.

Just last week, I got the awful call from a superintendent telling me they had given my dream job to someone else. I was filled immediately overcome with disappointment. I mean I had nailed that interview, and I deserved this job. I have put in my dues as a substitute teacher. I have spent countless hours making contacts, building my resume, and having people write me letters of recommendations.

My disappointment was soon transferred into anger. Anger at my college for not preparing me enough to get a job. Anger at myself for not getting an elementary degree. Anger at God for not answering my earnest prayers to provide me with a job.

It was in that moment when I was steaming over with anger, embarrassment, and disappointment that God’s unwavering voice could be heard. I remember laying in my bed that night lashing out at God for His unwillingness to answer my prayer, but His response was showered with love and grace. It was almost as if I could hear Him saying to me, “My child, this door was closed in order to open the right one for you.”

You see, God doesn’t close doors simply because he has the power to do so. Instead, He opens and closes doors to produce growth in our lives. Like I said earlier, I have had a year of growing pains. I look back, and I realize that I never want to live many of those moments again, but then again, I look back and realize that through those moments God was molding me into his image.  Through the ups and downs, I have come to rely on God as my rock. I have learned to fight my battles on my knees in prayers. I have come to truly appreciate my daily Bible reading and devotions.

People always say we never learn to appreciate the sun until we experience the rain. I agree. We can’t appreciate the beauty of life until we overcome the moments of darkness that God uses to sharpen, mold, and grow us into the people he intends us to be. 

Shortly after I wrote this post, I received a job offer from an unlikely source. I had subbed at a school a few days in a row. I then received a call from the principal who asked me to fill in as their school secretary for a few weeks. I gladly accepted the position, and I am now a year later still working for the same principal. She has become one of my closest friends and confidantes. I am so blessed that God placed her in my life. We both had some huge family changes happen this summer, and I look back and realize God knew exactly what He was doing when He closed the door to that first job. Sure, He opened the door up to a new job, but more importantly, He opened up my life to some amazing people.